Working out is a weird world in general. There is spandex in some circles, those weird sweaty jogging pants in others. We have grunters and sweaters. We even have that one guy with that really impressive Duck Dynasty beard who can deadlift a small bus – but we also have these 5 funny things that any serious gym guy will understand…
1 Cheat Meal = I Gained 150 Pounds in One Sitting
You go hard at the gym and it has been forever since you had a cheat meal… but it is a special occasion, well, at least it is Thursday and you want a loaded down pizza because your day sucked hardcore. You will find an excuse for that later. You hit up the pizza parlor and then immediately feel like a failure, go to the gym and get to work. This morning you felt like Hulk… right now you feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy who ate another Pillsbury Dough Boy. No, seriously – you do.
Sick Days… What Sick Days
It can be tempting to workout even when you are sick… really sick. You are super paranoid that three days of being hauled up in bed will turn your arms into noodles. You know it is probably not true… but you cannot help yourself. So you lift in the living room next to the puke bucket and keep on taking those anabolic steroids and protein shakes. You will be danged if you let that Ebola/abscess tooth/broken leg/Black Plague/carpel tunnel syndrome slow you down. It is not going to happen today.
Anabolic Steroids Jokes
We get it… anabolic steroids have gotten a bad rep but some forms are actually legal and great for helping you bulk up and gain more power. Besides, if people think you are on them – that just means that you have gotten to the point that you are so big and impressive that they cannot fathom that all this happened from hard work too. They can keep talking… the anabolic steroids jokes do not bother you one bit. It kind of makes you feel like that tree giant in Lord of the Rings surrounded by a sea of Frodos.
Ridiculous Richard-Simmons Guy
Every gym has one. He is always coming or going from aerobics class and while you think maybe he does it to get girls… you sometimes forget that he wears that retro purple headband and looks like Richard Simmons’ long lost twin baby. If you do not know who the Richard Simmons guy is in your gym – it might be you. Just kidding.
The Selfie Queen
There is always that one girl at the gym who needs to sit IN FRONT of the machine you need and she is always taking selfies. You are not even sure that she works out here. You do not even know if she knows what she is posing in front of. All you know is that the selfie queen wants her Instagram followers to know that she is in front of the squat rack… for whatever reason that is.
From misunderstandings about anabolic steroids to that selfie stickler, working out is weird… and wonderful. We would not have it any other way.