No matter how many people or how few people use your gym, there are always going to be these 5 people there that give weird a brand new meaning….
The Spandex/Headband/Butt Wedgie Guy
There is always that one guy in every gym who lives on the cycle machine. He gets really serious about it. He stands up high on the thing like he is trying to create a space between his butt and the cycle to lay an egg of some kind. It is pretty weird but it is also pretty funny. You have come to look forward to seeing spandex/headband guy. He makes your day. You have an ongoing bet what kind of headband he will wear on Wednesday. If you are right – you earn a cheat meal. You can avoid being this guy by not freaking being this guy. Don’t.
The Selfie Dude
Selfie guy loves taking selfies with his selfie stick at the squat rack. He LOVES that crap. He does. He also waits until you are ready to move over there before he starts snapping. He also updates his tweets, checks his DM, texts his girlfriend and answers about 12 emails before he moves along. Sometimes you think all those anabolic steroids you have been taking were preparing you for this very moment when you could pick him up and throw him into a galaxy far, far away. Use the force, young Anakin.
The screamer, not to be confused with grunter, seriously screams when he gets that lift right up over his head. You are not sure why. Maybe he has bad form and is in pain. Maybe he has gym related stress disorder. Maybe he is thinking about the ending of Saw. We are not sure why he does it… but he is pretty weird. He is funny and he gives us life but if you do not want to be screamer guy… do not scream or think about anything scary during your reps.
This guy loves to talk and although he is a rare breed – when he gets to flapping his lips he just cannot stop. He wants to tell you what anabolic steroids he uses and find out which ones are in your bag – so he takes it upon himself to read the bottle. He wants to tell you about his dog’s butt rash. He wants to talk about food, what you can bench and why his girlfriend left him. You already know why his girlfriend left him… he talks too dang much.
The Mat Sniffer
We have no problem with yoga. If that works for you – great. If you could though – just bring your own mat. We are kind of disturbed when you walk over to the mat rack and start smelling all of them to make sure they are clean. Mat sniffers are amusing but gross and we are not at risk of becoming one unless we take up yoga… and we are not taking up yoga.
From the guy who wants to discuss your anabolic steroids bottle, his mama and his fear of dolphins to the selfie guy who takes up too much space, these weirdos are there for your gym enjoyment… so try to laugh it off. We probably look pretty weird to some people too.