5 Funny Things About Working Out That You Will Totally Understand

Working out is a weird world in general. There is spandex in some circles, those weird sweaty jogging pants in others. We have grunters and sweaters. We even have that one guy with that really impressive Duck Dynasty beard who can deadlift a small bus – but we also have these 5 funny things that any serious gym guy will understand…

1 Cheat Meal = I Gained 150 Pounds in One Sitting

You go hard at the gym and it has been forever since you had a cheat meal… but it is a special occasion, well, at least it is Thursday and you want a loaded down pizza because your day sucked hardcore. You will find an excuse for that later. You hit up the pizza parlor and then immediately feel like a failure, go to the gym and get to work. This morning you felt like Hulk… right now you feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy who ate another Pillsbury Dough Boy. No, seriously – you do.

Sick Days… What Sick Days

It can be tempting to workout even when you are sick… really sick. You are super paranoid that three days of being hauled up in bed will turn your arms into noodles. You know it is probably not true… but you cannot help yourself. So you lift in the living room next to the puke bucket and keep on taking those anabolic steroids and protein shakes. You will be danged if you let that Ebola/abscess tooth/broken leg/Black Plague/carpel tunnel syndrome slow you down. It is not going to happen today.

Anabolic Steroids Jokes

We get it… anabolic steroids have gotten a bad rep but some forms are actually legal and great for helping you bulk up and gain more power. Besides, if people think you are on them – that just means that you have gotten to the point that you are so big and impressive that they cannot fathom that all this happened from hard work too. They can keep talking… the anabolic steroids jokes do not bother you one bit. It kind of makes you feel like that tree giant in Lord of the Rings surrounded by a sea of Frodos.

Ridiculous Richard-Simmons Guy

Every gym has one. He is always coming or going from aerobics class and while you think maybe he does it to get girls… you sometimes forget that he wears that retro purple headband and looks like Richard Simmons’ long lost twin baby. If you do not know who the Richard Simmons guy is in your gym – it might be you. Just kidding.

The Selfie Queen

There is always that one girl at the gym who needs to sit IN FRONT of the machine you need and she is always taking selfies. You are not even sure that she works out here. You do not even know if she knows what she is posing in front of. All you know is that the selfie queen wants her Instagram followers to know that she is in front of the squat rack… for whatever reason that is.

From misunderstandings about anabolic steroids to that selfie stickler, working out is weird… and wonderful. We would not have it any other way.

Enlargement Creams Talks On 5 Weird People At The Gym

No matter how many people or how few people use your gym, there are always going to be these 5 people there that give weird a brand new meaning….

The Spandex/Headband/Butt Wedgie Guy

There is always that one guy in every gym who lives on the cycle machine. He gets really serious about it. He stands up high on the thing like he is trying to create a space between his butt and the cycle to lay an egg of some kind. It is pretty weird but it is also pretty funny. You have come to look forward to seeing spandex/headband guy. He makes your day. You have an ongoing bet what kind of headband he will wear on Wednesday. If you are right – you earn a cheat meal. You can avoid being this guy by not freaking being this guy. Don’t.

The Selfie Dude

Selfie guy loves taking selfies with his selfie stick at the squat rack. He LOVES that crap. He does. He also waits until you are ready to move over there before he starts snapping. He also updates his tweets, checks his DM, texts his girlfriend and answers about 12 emails before he moves along. Sometimes you think all those anabolic steroids you have been taking were preparing you for this very moment when you could pick him up and throw him into a galaxy far, far away. Use the force, young Anakin.

The Screamer

The screamer, not to be confused with grunter, seriously screams when he gets that lift right up over his head. You are not sure why. Maybe he has bad form and is in pain. Maybe he has gym related stress disorder. Maybe he is thinking about the ending of Saw. We are not sure why he does it… but he is pretty weird. He is funny and he gives us life but if you do not want to be screamer guy… do not scream or think about anything scary during your reps.

The Chatter

This guy loves to talk and although he is a rare breed – when he gets to flapping his lips he just cannot stop. He wants to tell you what anabolic steroids he uses and find out which ones are in your bag – so he takes it upon himself to read the bottle. He wants to tell you about his dog’s butt rash. He wants to talk about food, what you can bench and why his girlfriend left him. You already know why his girlfriend left him… he talks too dang much.

The Mat Sniffer

We have no problem with yoga. If that works for you – great. If you could though – just bring your own mat. We are kind of disturbed when you walk over to the mat rack and start smelling all of them to make sure they are clean. Mat sniffers are amusing but gross and we are not at risk of becoming one unless we take up yoga… and we are not taking up yoga.

From the guy who wants to discuss your anabolic steroids bottle, his mama and his fear of dolphins to the selfie guy who takes up too much space, these weirdos are there for your gym enjoyment… so try to laugh it off. We probably look pretty weird to some people too.